it makes me sad that 'book' isn't pronounced more like 'duke'

because then it would be my name for you

things collected

lots of them today:

people in airports who have roll-y suitcases INFURIATE me because i trip on their bags when i try to pass them because i have horrible flight related anxiety causing me to sit at the gate for two hours in advance just in case the flight gets moved earlier and i miss it and end up stuck wearing my shoes all night

my family knows me really well and hid all the ski goggles because they preemptively knew i would steal them and wear them out, and i did. and i like it because even when they find the mason jar of white wine under my bed it's like YO I'M IN COLLEGE

project ideas: put pictures of puppies and/or my parents in every single 'guess who' slot, give as a gift

i think temporality is crushing me

and lastly, i spoke a few minutes ago with one of my girls from cottonwood, for the first time in a year maybe. i've been afraid to talk to the everyone because i'm worried they will perceive me as a failure, but we are all moving on in our own ways. and it's totally chill. check out.

leafing ohio

i tried to larp and i found out i'm actually really bad it

reflections on being a "biddy"

(pls listen to speechless while you read this post)

while there are many manifestations of the word "biddy", an oberlin biddy can generally be described by these three things:

1. has a consistent flow of money coming from parents
2. desire to make out with seniors (as many as possible)
3. is a freshman or first-semester sophomore

additionally, biddies often sport black tights, leather jackets, travel in packs, and feel obligated to chain smoke. (see above, left, and below, right)

i've been a biddy for a year and a half. my friends are biddies. we play biddy games. sometimes, people don't even say my name--they just shout "biddy" and expect me to respond (i usually do.) i've become really good at being a biddy, too; sitting outside of mudd, chain smoking, talking really loud about HOW MUCH FUN I HAD LAST NIGHT... actually, biddies are probably just the reincarnation of the jewish american princess. yeah, i like that. i'll stick with it.

but what happens now? sometime between this friday and february 8, i'm "not a biddy anymore." is this going to be like turning 18, when you wake up and you're like "cool i'm 18 now" but you still can't legally drink so really nothing is different? or is this going to be like turning 21, when you wake up and you're like "cool i'm 21 now" and you can legally drink but really you've been doing it for years so nothing is different? am i going to stop being obnoxious? are older boys going to stop "perving" on me because i'm not a biddy? will other girls hate me less? will i finally go gay?

really, i think this post is just me trying to draw some higher meaning from the past year and a half. a lot has changed since i started living in ohio. i have friends that are girls, i can drink coffee without milk, i learned a little bit of french. i cut my hair, cut my budget, and started wearing cashmere sweaters to sleep. i like who i've become, and i think that if i'm still considered a biddy, it's only because i am a nineteen year old female and i go to the feve a lot.

i tried to come up with a really poignant, over-arching statement to end this post with, but i really couldn't think of anything. i think that is probably the "most important thing i learned in college so far"--that a lot of stuff happens but you really shouldn't think about it too much because you have two more finals to write before you can go home on friday.

3a. try never get drunk in space

(gil inoue)

finals

there is a quiet beauty to the word. i will do this, and i will do it while listening to video game soundtracks.

i will compose myself